Transcript: Thanks Allan, this is David Brower with your 20-minute podcast. Our special guest today is Darlene Corbett from Massachusetts. She’s a speaker, author and licensed therapist and coach. Her expertise is helping people to get unstuck. I just love that word. Darlene, welcome to the show. Glad you’re here.
Darlene Corbett: Thank you so much for having me, David.
David Brower: Absolutely. How did you … When did you start to get unstuck so that you could help others, I guess?
Darlene Corbett: You know, I always say, life is an obstacle course, sometimes. You get off one obstacle, it stays steady, and then have … you don’t know when the next one’s coming. So, I think just life in general has helped me learn to at least better manage obstacles, and when I have had them, I mean, I think I’m stuck at the moment, but who knows how long, right?
David Brower: Sure, sure.
Darlene Corbett: But I’ve certainly done a lot of work on myself, and try to reflect on how I can be a better person, because I’m a lifelong learner. I always say I’m a pursuer of excellence, and I’m a work in progress. And so-
David Brower: Nice.
Darlene Corbett: Yeah. That’s what I think, and-
David Brower: That’s a wonderful combination, actually. I like that a lot.
Darlene Corbett: Yeah, I’m glad. Yeah, and so it makes me always think about, okay, I did that, how well was it? Can I do it better? Can I approach something or someone in a better way? So I see there’s a process. I think we have major unstucks and then we have little unstucks, and, yeah.
David Brower: Yeah, that makes sense. Now, when you’re-
Darlene Corbett: Yeah.
David Brower: So, you’ve gone through enough unstucks over the last 30 years where you can help relate your experience with people that want to reach out to you, right?
Darlene Corbett: Sure. Well, you know, it’s interesting, I’ve been a therapist for all these years, and I love being a therapist. I still love being a therapist coach. I love people, all kinds of people, and I did the work long enough when I finally realize, you know how these things are, you say, am I doing a good enough job? And I just got … finally got verification I’m doing something right, you know?
David Brower: Yeah.
Darlene Corbett: But anyway, in my 50s I … there was a series of events that happened, it’s in my book more in depth, but my husband … we both lived the five minutes from our business, and we work there, as I said, I love being a therapist, and he had a business, but he had some health problems. He had a disability, and it became increasingly, increasingly more chronic and progressive, and we could not afford to stay where we were, so he left it up to me.
So we decided to move closer to where I grew up, and I have close friends and family, and I started thinking, I said, what else can I do in my life? That the change and the … what happened, the events that occurred, I thought, what else can I do to enhance life.
David Brower: Nice.
Darlene Corbett: And then my mother died. Yeah, and then my mother, I always say took a one-way sleigh to heaven. My mother took a one-way sleigh to heaven, and I thought … it made me … it reinforced my desire to start to take this information I have, this experience, to a larger platform.
And so, I decided, you know, I said I can’t … you know, I’ve got this major commute now, and it’s only 45 minutes, to Boston but if you don’t leave early enough it can take two hours, so, you know.
David Brower: Yeah. Yeah, Denver’s the same way. I get it, yeah.
Darlene Corbett: That’s right, I’m sure. Any major city, right? So I decided … I fell in love with speaking. I never thought I would, but I fell in love with speaking, and then I started writing blogs and articles. And a long story, it was suggested to me that I do a newsletter, and I did, and my administrative assistant brought them to the attention of the publisher, who I had a conversation with, and that was the genesis of my book!is-
David Brower: Wow.
Darlene Corbett: Yeah, so really good things came out of this not so easy time in my life.
David Brower: I think that’s what interesting is how we pay attention to things. If we look when we’re stuck as being an opportunity, then all of a sudden your blinders come off a little bit and you’re able to explore some opportunities, rather than just kind of wallowing in the moment that you’re in.
Darlene Corbett: That’s right, because I think that is … You know, one of the things I talk about, and you probably would agree, is its tenacity-
David Brower: Yeah.
Darlene Corbett: … that makes us prevail. I mean, you have to tap into that inner … the strength and the tenacity, the will to persevere, so yeah.
David Brower: Well, the other part of that, and you mentioned it early, is you have to be comfortable in your own skin, and love who you are, love what you do, and then the tenacity all of a sudden becomes joyful. I mean, it’s great to have that gift when you feel good about yourself.
Darlene Corbett: That’s right. That’s right. Not an easy process, but one that gives you much fulfillment, I agree.
David Brower: Yeah, absolutely right. So your book, Stop Depriving the World of You: A Guide for Getting Unstuck, awesome title, and you just-
Darlene Corbett: Thank you.
David Brower: … got it published in November, it looks like. So, how’s the-
Darlene Corbett: That’s right.
David Brower: How’s the response been so far?
Darlene Corbett: You know, people have really said they liked it. It’s one of those things, I always say, I’m not famous, I’m not rich, so I have to get out there and promote it, but all the people that have read it have told me they feel very positive about it. And there was even a Vine review on Amazon, I had no idea-
David Brower: Oh, wow.
Darlene Corbett: Yeah, he really liked it. He gave me four stars out of five, and I was very appreciative of his critique. He was absolutely right on. And actually, his critique gave me food for thought, should I say, for my next book, because I’m in the middle of it, and I’m … and I thought wow, right before I got to the section he talked about me developing more of, he gave me that information. So yeah, it felt really good.
David Brower: I don’t know if you believe this, I certainly do, there’s no such thing as a coincidence, and you’ve had a lot of opportunities come your way, some through tenacity, some through a lot of energy and effort, some just being open to go oh, well that’s kind of cool.
Darlene Corbett: I agree with you 100%, there are no coincidences. I agree.
David Brower: Yeah.
Darlene Corbett: These things, you know, it’s I say sometimes we don’t know the impact of something. I talk about that in my book also, the butterfly effect, that … You know, the-
David Brower: Oh, I love that, yeah.
Darlene Corbett: Yeah, I do too, that you don’t know, like the wings of a butterfly did impact weather on the other side, and that we may do an event, or help someone, or learn something, but we don’t see, often, the impact. We sometimes don’t always know how we impact, or much later we get the information.
And that’s the beauty of being a therapist. I sometimes get notes from long ago how I helped them, and you don’t always know. It’s a soft science, so when I get that I’m so grateful. Yeah.
David Brower: I can relate to that. I managed radio stations, or I was in the radio business, for a long time, and my last 10 years I managed a group of stations in northern California. I left there in 2001, and to this day, occasionally, I have a former employee reach out to me on Facebook, or drop me a text, or … and just share some … I mean, it happened last week, you know? Just share-
Darlene Corbett: That’s wonderful.
David Brower: … the experience that we had, gosh, 17 years ago. And that’s really, I’m for sure for you as well, that’s really a wonderful payoff that you don’t expect.
Darlene Corbett: Right. Yeah, it is, and we just don’t know, do we, sometimes?
David Brower: No.
Darlene Corbett: We don’t know the impact.
David Brower: Absolutely, absolutely.
Darlene Corbett: Yeah, yeah.
David Brower: So you went to a book signing at Barnes & Nobel, how did that go?
Darlene Corbett: It went very well. I had friends come and visit, and-
David Brower: Nice.
Darlene Corbett: … I’m hoping to have another one. I have to get in contact with one of the people here. He said, “Call me after the Christmas week,” so I plan on … I’m glad you reminded me. I plan on doing that this week. Yeah.
David Brower: Well, since you love to speak so much, and you’re enjoying that as a keynote speaker, are you going to do an audio book?
Darlene Corbett: You know, my publisher, we talked about that, he said, “Well, let’s see what happens first with the Kindle and the paperback,” but I’m hoping that that is something we can do. I’d love to do that.
David Brower: Absolutely, absolutely.
Darlene Corbett: Because hopefully it would be me reading it with enthusiasm.
David Brower: Yes, exactly right. Exactly right.
Darlene Corbett: Yes, yeah.
David Brower: So, yeah, I mean, your energy and your enthusiasm is very genuine and authentic on our phone call, so it’s certainly going to be that way in your audio book. I’ve done a few audio books, and they’re-
Darlene Corbett: Oh did you? Yeah.
David Brower: … just a wonderful experience, yeah. So, I’m excited for you-
Darlene Corbett: Did you read them yourself?
David Brower: … to do that. Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah.
Darlene Corbett: Yeah, thank you, read them … Oh, that’s wonderful.
David Brower: Yeah.
Darlene Corbett: Yeah.
David Brower: Yeah, so, just a … My real job, if you will, is I’m a voice actor, so I do commercials, and audio books, and that kind of stuff, and so the podcaster just kind of a pay it forward thing, you know? Being able to reach out to experts like you, and learn stuff, and help people, whoever happens to listen to it. I mean, if one person is touched by each guest, how cool is that, you know?
Darlene Corbett: I agree with you David, absolutely. And yeah, you’re easy to talk to also, so yeah.
David Brower: Well thank you, that’s very nice. So, on your website, you got a ton of stuff on there. You got podcasts. You got videos. You got your blog. You got … And there’s a lot of free stuff. There are some free videos on there, information that people can learn not only more about you, but I’m sure get some little epiphanies that might help them.
Darlene Corbett: Yeah, I hope so. I do a newsletter. I want to make it more frequent. I did it for a while frequently, but I’ve been doing it more quarterly. But another one is going out hopefully tomorrow, so I give out information, and I’m always open … My feeling is, you know, if there’s anything I can do for someone, please let me know, because …
You know, for example, when I’m on LinkedIn and I say if you’d like my short and sweet newsletter, please give me your email address, and … But I’d be happy, certainly, to read yours also.
And sometimes I get unsolicited ones, and one person said to me, “How do you feel about that?” He got them too. And I said, “Look, I really don’t mind. We’re all trying to make a living.” I said, “If it gets too tedious,” right? I said, “Then you just delete it.” But you know what? Sometimes there’s something there. So, I don’t … To me that’s not a big deal, you know? I don’t do it, but if somebody wants to do that, go ahead.
David Brower: Well, absolutely, and they probably, in a lot of cases, I’m sure they don’t know what they don’t know about what they’re doing with marketing and all that kind of stuff, right?
Darlene Corbett: Right.
David Brower: But they do have something in their gut, and in their heart, that they want to try to figure a way to get out there, and maybe you’re just helping them open the door a little bit, you know?
Darlene Corbett: That’s right, that’s right.
David Brower: So I’m looking at your videos here under services. So, Being Positive in a Negative Environment looks like it’s a … what, three-, four-part, four-part
Darlene Corbett: Yeah, that was a … Yeah, it was a video event I did, and I kind of … I changed some of the language. It’s more of the power of healing through positive thinking. And so, I have that. And then they all have a similar theme of getting unstuck, but some focus more on the healing thoughts. I open them differently in many ways, but I always use my, the acronym of unstuck throughout each of the speeches I do.
David Brower: Yeah, and as just a brief headline, if you will, of these videos folks, Getting Unstuck, Helping Professionals Overcome the Obstacles to Success, Vanquish the Imposter Syndrome and Soar, the Power of Healing Through Visualization and Scripting, and the Power of Healing Through Positive Thinking. I’m a big fan of positive thinking and visualization, that’s for sure. Tell me about the imposter syndrome.
Darlene Corbett: You know, I’m glad you asked that. So I had a client maybe about four or five months ago, she’s in the corporate world. Well she said, “You know, Darlene, my superior told me I suffer from imposter syndrome. Do you know what that is?” And I said, “Yeah,” and then I said, “Well, wait a minute, no I don’t.”
And she explained it, and I said, “Of course I know what it is. It’s just a different way of phrasing it than something we’ve been doing … I’ve been doing, working with people for years, that they feel like they’re not good enough, they’re going to be found out, they’re not real, they’re not the real thing, they’re not …”
And so, I decided, look, I’ve been doing this for so many years, I know all about imposter syndrome, and I think it resonates with men and women, but I … you know, more women, at least they verbalize they feel that way. I’m not sure that they’re the only ones that feel that way. But when I presented at a college in October I asked them if they knew what it was, and both men and women said … they raised their hands. They were very familiar. So it’s really-
David Brower: Wow.
Darlene Corbett: Yeah. I mean, it’s really about self-esteem, confidence, and really believing that you have the skills and the tools, and that you’re not an imposter, that you’re the real thing, and to feel it, you know? And not just walk it. Not to fake it until you make it, but to really recognize that you have those attributes.
And thinking about myself long ago, as a therapist, being a soft science, so many of us thought, are we doing it right? Is this the right way? Is this … You know, it’s very … You know, it’s like a musical instrument, sometimes.
David Brower: It is, yeah.
Darlene Corbett: … more abstract. So that’s … It really resonated with me, and I thought, I’m going to develop this into a speech.
David Brower: Nice.
Darlene Corbett: Yeah.
David Brower: Because, I mean, we all … We may all call it a different name or whatever, but, I mean, we can all relate to that, the fake it ’til you make it thing is oh, my gosh. I don’t know anybody that hasn’t taken that step in the pool, you know?
Darlene Corbett: That’s right, that’s right. It’s so funny. I’m glad, because I proposed this to a women’s leadership presentation and they accepted it. I’m presenting in April on it because they were intrigued by it, and I think it resonates with so many successful people, you know? You know that, it’s-
David Brower: Yeah.
Darlene Corbett: We all have felt this way, yeah.
David Brower: Well, and you want to … You know, there’s something about … I guess this is part of the fake it ’til you make it thing, you want … I’ve always been a people pleaser growing up my entire life, until I turned 50, and then I decided to well, I’m kind of over that. And so, I did … I made a list of 50 things to do for myself.
Darlene Corbett: Good.
David Brower: And I gave myself a year to do them, and that helped me turn the corner to be more open to who I am, and be more authentic, and instead of giving people what they want to hear or that kind of stuff, you know?
Darlene Corbett: Right.
David Brower: And it just … it opened up the door for being creative, positive about myself, self-confidence. And I think that’s, as you’re saying, that’s one of the real keys is to figure out how do you authentically, and genuinely, figure out how to be self-confident in yourself.
Darlene Corbett: That is so true, and you know, it’s interesting you say that, because again, in my book I call it platinum style authenticity, being our authentic self the best we can be, almost like I’m … you know, the best authentic self we can be, and not be so fearful of what people think, you know, to really just be you. So that’s great you did that. That is really … That’s a great exercise for people to do.
David Brower: Yeah, in fact my daughter is turning 50 next October, and she reminded me the other … Well, I called her on her birthday at the end of October, and … you know, when she turned 49, and I said, “So, one more year, huh kid?” She says, “Yeah. Dad, remember that list you did for your 50th?” And I said, “Sure do, changed by life.” And she says, “I think that’s a pretty cool idea. I might do that.” So …
Darlene Corbett: That’s great.
David Brower: You know? It was pretty sweet.
Darlene Corbett: That’s a great idea.
David Brower: Pretty sweet.
Darlene Corbett: I mean, you could use that for a book, David, right?
David Brower: Right? Right?
Darlene Corbett: Right, absolutely.
David Brower: So, in your next book that you’re working on, and the Vine critique that you got that came at the right place at the right time, what kinds of things are you putting in your second book? Is it a stepping off point from your first book?
Darlene Corbett: Well, it’s kind of a … it’s a more in depth look. So, what I do in my … what I’ve done, and I’ve really, probably two thirds completed what … and that’s why the Vine reviewer came at the right time, because I … that was the next section is going back to my unstuck and developing it more, and he gave me some ideas.
But so, what I talk about is that people think that there’s only a time they can get unstuck at a certain time in life, and I basically go through the life cycle up until 50. Well, maybe … No, up until 60. And I talk about different things that maybe prevent us from pursuing more of what we want.
And then I say, because I’m going to do a third book of over 60, so we’ll leave it there, but …
David Brower: Nice.
Darlene Corbett: And then I talk about what gets us stuck. What are the things that keep us stuck? And that you have to really examine those for … you know, for example, envy and jealousy, being inauthentic. I use some of the things that really trip people up, instead of focusing on themselves they’re looking around, or they’re not being the real them, so to remind themselves that those are the things that keep us stuck. And then I go and return to getting unstuck.
David Brower: Oh, good for you. And it’s … You know what? As you say that I’m thinking, man, it is like most things in life, it’s easier to do the wrong thing than it is to do the right thing, and-
Darlene Corbett: That’s right.
David Brower: Right? And so-
Darlene Corbett: That’s right.
David Brower: … it’s easier to focus on Joe across the street, and what’s wrong with him, rather than looking in the mirror and going dude, you need a little help here, you know?
Darlene Corbett: Right, right.
David Brower: So …
Darlene Corbett: And I always … You know, I say often, both in the books, in my … with my clients, in my speeches, we know that life is uneven. It’s not fair, but what are you going to do?
David Brower: Right.
Darlene Corbett: … like you said, wallow in it, or the best response is success, right?
David Brower: Yeah, absolutely.
Darlene Corbett: It’s your own success.
David Brower: And then who knows, that leads to writing a book, right?
Darlene Corbett: That’s right. There you go.
David Brower: So the current book that’s out folks, again, Stop Depriving the World of You: A Guide for Getting Unstuck. It’s on Amazon, must be available at Barnes & Nobel, right?
Darlene Corbett: Yeah, that’s right, and Target.
David Brower: And all the usual places, Target and all that kind of stuff.
Darlene Corbett: Yeah, yeah.
David Brower: And of course, you can go to Darlene’s website, it’s Darlene Corbett, C-O-R-B-E-T-T, .com, and Facebook, Darlene Corbett Unstuck, and be sure to like her Facebook page and get connected, and-
Darlene Corbett: Oh, you’re a doll. Thank you.
David Brower: … follow her. I mean, with your videos, your blogs, your podcasts, free videos, I mean, people got to have a lot of opportunities, thanks to you, to kind of give themselves a little bit of a self-evaluation and maybe go hmmm, I need a little help on that, and I didn’t know it.
Darlene Corbett: I appreciate that, yeah.
David Brower: All right.
Darlene Corbett: Thank you.
David Brower: Yeah.
Darlene Corbett: It’s all about helping people get unstuck, right?
David Brower: Right. That’s exactly right. That’s exactly right.
Darlene Corbett: Yeah.
David Brower: Hey, I’ve really enjoyed this, Darlene. Thank you so much, and I wish-
Darlene Corbett: I appreciate it.
David Brower: … you continued success on your first book, your second book, and your third book.
Darlene Corbett: Thank you so much, David. It’s a pleasure talking to you.
Allan Blackwell: Listen to your 20-minute podcast with David Brower on the go. Downloads are available on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, iTunes, iHeartRadio, Spotify, any podcast app, and on our website at DavidBrowerVO.com/Your20MinutePodcast. Until next time, thank you for listening.