Transcript: Here is part two of interview of our interview with Heather Criswell, “When Life is Rooted in Love”
Heather Criswell: I think that we can relate to each other through story, and that’s been generation after generation, we used to sit on the porch step and tell stories, around campfires, stories.
Because, stories give us the opportunities to see ourselves in another story, in somebodies else’s story, kind of work it out in that way, instead of it being, you’re doing this wrong, you’re not right. And certainly, I think that everybody’s story has a point to it and a way to come back to that love for themselves.
So, that is how I often share a lot of the wisdom that I’ve gathered along the way and help people remind them of that wisdom that they have and remind who we are, because over time we forget. We get into politics; and, we forget who we are. I have people that are on my Facebook page that I absolutely love and adore on the far, far Left and I have some on the far, far Right. And they are the most amazing people on both ends.
And the beauty of it is, is that for me, I have to look past their posts and know who they are, who I know them to be, that I know that my friend that says something about Trump that he is great and that he is amazing and that whatever, and she says it in a way that could be offensive to other people. I have to look at them and say, “I know who she is.”
She is not an offensive person. She one of the most kind loving people I have ever been around. And on the Left side, somebody that Trump is so wrong and so bad. And I know who you are. And when we can hold the space of who we are then, we can work on the skills to communicate how we work together, right?
David Brower: Right.
Heather Criswell: And how do we come together in that space? When you have somebody that loves Trump and somebody that hates Trump. Just using Trump as an example in this moment. Because it is always in our media in this moment. But how do we see the greatness in each other? And see the love in each other? And know that love? And then say, “okay, that’s not who you are so what are you trying to say here because that’s not who you are?”
I know you to be a really compassionate, kind, caring person. What are you feeling here? What is this triggering for you? How can I support you and help you? It’s a real evolved state, right? It is something we have to work on, consistently. It’s a daily practice. It’s a practice of not yelling at our kids. It’s a practice of not flipping somebody off in the street when they cut us off.
It’s a practice of, I don’t know your story, when you cut me off driving, I don’t know your story, but what I do know is that there is something going on that caused you to do this and I am going to give you a pass today. It’s not going say I discount what you do. It’s not going to say that you didn’t put me in harm’s way. What I am saying is, I am giving you a pass.
Because, I don’t know, maybe your wife is in the hospital. Maybe your kid got hurt at school. Maybe you’re on your way to a job where if you’re late one more day you are going to get fired and you’re going to be out in the street. I don’t know what your story is.
But I can hold that space for you in love. Now whether it’s true or not, it doesn’t even really matter. Because now I am free from the anger and frustration of what you did to me. I am now free. I have rooted for love for myself, which in turn free you, and in turn, frees our community. Right?
David Brower: Right.
Heather Criswell: So, it creates this space, but it’s a daily process and when we have the moments like if I yell at my son and I look at him and I say, “Mommy made a mistake, I did not communicate properly. I did not communicate from my heart. From my heart is, we need to get in the car so that we can go to this event and be on time because we respect ourselves and we respect other people’s time. That’s what I should have said, so I’m going to work better to do that next time.”
You know these are the skills that we need to function, but it takes practice, right? Because it’s so much easier to just be like, that guy’s a jerk, he’s being a brat!
David Brower: Right. Well yeah, I mean, it is always easier to be disrespectful. It is always easier to be mean. It’s always easier to … I mean you really have, you say, you really have to make a conscious effort to do the right thing, from a heartfelt communication style.
Heather Criswell: Right, and that how we are born to be. We don’t look at any baby and say, “Oh my gosh, this baby is pure evil, we are going to have to teach him how to love.” We don’t do that. Babies just love.
David Brower: We need to use the kids as mentors for mentors us.
Because we already left that place and the kid, or the grandkids, or whatever, their in that place where we used to be, their in that place where we need to be. I need to pay more attention to this kid’s loving me.
Heather Criswell: Absolutely, and how they love themselves too. There’s no two-year-old that comes to you and says, “I have low self-esteem and self-worth.” They don’t. They just don’t. They come up and say, “I’m amazing.”, “I’m great.”, “I’m spectacular look at my art.”, “Look at me, I’m beautiful.”
What happens over time, unintentionally, we as adults say, especially me being raised in the south, “oh that’s not nice”, “that’s not humble”, “you’re going to hurt others feelings”, “you’re going to make people feel bad, don’t say those things”, “you just keep that to yourself, that’s not being humble, that’s egotistical.” And that’s where we get it wrong, I believe.
David Brower: Yeah. Absolutely right.
Heather Criswell: They come from that space. We are great, we deserve to stand up and be magical. That’s what we were born to do.
David Brower: Yeah and praise that. Acknowledge that and praise that in a meaningful way so that the kid goes, “oh, it is okay to feel this way.”
Heather Criswell: Yes. And I am so happy that you’re happy with yourself. I am so proud of you for being the bright light you are on this planet. If there are movements that are uncomfortable where they say something or do something that is uncomfortable for us, that’s our chance to say, “why is this uncomfortable for me?” Am I not seeing my own light? Am I not shining the way that this two-year-old is shining? Am I uncomfortable standing in that space?
David Brower: We have a Bible study group every Monday night. One of the ladies in our group last week was telling us how she got in this car accident. And this lady ran into her. She didn’t know why, she didn’t know if she was hurt, she had to go to the hospital, whatever. But when she got out of the car, caught her breath and look at the lady, and walked over to the lady instead of going into a tirade or asking for her insurance or whatever, she said, “are you okay?
Heather Criswell: Yes. Powerful.
David Brower: Right! And she gave her a fist bump and she said, “call me later and let me know how you’re doing.”
Heather Criswell: It’s just magical.
David Brower: And that lady was speechless. Oh my god, I’ll never forget that story.
Heather Criswell: It’s magical when we have those moments. I have a similar story. I witnessed a car accident, and I had my little 3-year-old at the time, Christmas Eve. It was a very bad accident. I pulled in right behind one of the cars. I was the only one that witnessed it, pulled in right behind one of the cars. Checked on her. Her car caught on fire so we had to get her out.
And I moved my truck and then the other car, the woman was seriously injured and I went over to her and I said, “are you okay?” And she like, “I’m dying. I feel like I am dying”. And I said well let me tell you something, “You have the most magical powers with you right here, right now because all of my family is in heaven and they are supporting you and loving you, you have so many angels that are here for you, you picked the best place to have this happen with the best person that was going to witness it, because I am holding your hand and wrapping you in love and they are too.”
And I will tell you the same experience happened when we got out and the ambulance finally came and of course my son was buckled in the seat belt in the car. I went am grabbed him and he’s like, “Mommy what’s happening I am scared.”
And I remembered Mr. Rogers mom said, “Always look for the helpers.”And I said, “look at all these helpers, look at all these people making sure that everybody is here taken care of.” People were coming out of their houses, fire, ambulances, everybody was there. I said, “this is what it means to be in love, no matter what happens to us, no what circumstances, we root for love for each other and look at all these people loving on the people that are hurt and we are going to wrap them in love.”
She went off to the hospital, her husband stayed behind. And I tell you it was the most beautiful exchange of insurance like you said, there was no ill will there was no, “you did this, no you did that.” I’m glad everybody is going to be okay. Please keep us posted on how your wife’s doing. And we’re all supporting and loving you and having prayers that she is lifted up into love and greatness. It was the most magical car accident that I’ve been a part of.
David Brower: And it makes for such a wonderful meaningful story to share with people that you talk to or make speeches to, or whatever because it’s real. It’s real life and even though we may think it came out of a movie, guess what? It’s real. That’s pretty … oh my gosh. What a blessing you are?
Heather Criswell: It’s real, well thank you.
David Brower: We’re about out of time and I want get out of this fastest 20 minutes in history.
Heather Criswell: It is! It is!
David Brower: Oh my god. So tell me how do people get a hold of you. I know they go to wiseinside.com and there is so much free information on there, so much talk and video about rise and love and shine. Is that where they start?
Heather Criswell: That is the best place to start and of course the social media platforms under Heather Criswell. The best place to start is wiseinside.com and like you said there are a lot of free resources there to support people with: raising a family, with people that have gone through grief and loss, I have authored a coupled of books on each subject, and games to support families connecting in a meaningful way.
So, there is just so much there to help us all stay rooted in love. I think at the end, when my dad was in hospice, he was kind of comatose in and out. At the very last part he said to me … and he was an agnostic, he did not believe in anything. He said to me, “I had the most amazing experience”, and he said … and we called it his day of enlightenment, but he said, “I was taken in a cocoon and it was like love and I was taken to a place that the only words we have to describe is love, but it was so much more than love. There were colors you couldn’t even imagine. It was the most magical place, and it really reminded me that who I am and that there is so much than just this body and I am so glad to leave and go on and see what’s out there because it is love and it’s nothing that you can even imagine. It’s so much more than love. No words to describe.”
This is coming from an agnostic guy.
David Brower: That’s called goosebumps on steroids, right there. What an amazing thing!
Heather Criswell: Yes exactly. We call it his day of enlightenment and a few days later he passed on and the night before he passed on he said, “I am going on a mission like an astronaut, I am not going to talk to you on the phone anymore, but I’ll talk to you just listen for me. I’ll be around, but I’m going on a mission now.”
David Brower: Wow. Well, he went on to be rooted in love in ways that he couldn’t even imagine a week earlier.
Heather Criswell: Couldn’t even imagine. Yup. Yup.
David Brower: We God bless you my friend. This has been such a treat and I hope people check at wiseinside.com and continued happiness and love to your family.
Heather Criswell: Thank you so much for having me and thank you for doing this so much. I appreciate you rooting for love for all of us.
David Brower: You bet.
Allan Blackwell: Your twenty-minute podcast with David Bower has been brought to by Audible. You can listen to any of David’s podcast anywhere podcasts can be found including iHeart Radio, the Spotify mobile app, and DavidBowervo.com/yourtwentyminutepodcast. Until next time, thanks for listening.