Transcript:
Mister Reggie, is the author of ‘Motivation – What Is It, And How To Keep It’, ‘Love At First Sight’, ‘Online Dating Principles’, and the children’s book, ‘My Daddy’s Hat’, published by Orange Hat Publishing. So, you’re, uh, you’re dipping your toes in all kinds of different, uh, family and relationship things aren’t you?
Reginald Walton: Yes sir. Yes sir, it’s definitely a passion of mine.
David Brower: Good for you. Good for you. Tell me a little bit about, uh, ‘My Daddy’s Hat’, I’m really curious about that.
Reginald Walton: Oh, okay, so, ‘My Daddy’s Hat’ is a children’s book. It, um, it teaches children pretty much, um, they learn their colors, um, and they help to, um, develop their speech. The point of the book is that different hats, uh, represent different occupations, um, of the fathers, and it pretty much displays just how important men are, fathers are, to their children, and, um, and how children look up to you and want to, um, follow your, your path. They see what you’re doing, they, they see how hard you work, and they do, they, they see that and they act on it, and so ‘My Daddy’s Hat’ is children who, um, they see their Dad as a firefighter, as a police officer, as a cook, and they want to wear the hat that their Daddy’s wear.
David Brower: Wow, I love that. I’ve never heard of that concept before and I know, uh, in our Church as an example, that, that um, you know, the Pastors are always talking about, the Dad’s really need to show up, not only for the families, but, but especially for the kids, and to have your, uh, your illustrations like that in ‘My Daddy’s Hat’ is, uh, I’m impressed man, good on you.
Reginald Walton: Thank you very much, sir, thank you very much. I’m excited.
David Brower: Yeah, good for you. Uh, where can folks get your ‘Daddy’s Hat’?
Reginald Walton: Um, it’s actually available at your local Barnes & Noble stores, um, and also online, whether it be Amazon, CreateSpace, or Barnes and Noble.
David Brower: Terrific. Terrific. Okay. I know we’re supposed to be talking about relationships and, and family, but I just couldn’t pass up ‘My Daddy’s Hat’, that really, that really caught my interest so I’m, I’m glad we were able to elaborate on that. I think that’ll, I think that’ll speak to a lot of folks. It certainly does to me.
Reginald Walton: I appreciate that. I appreciate that. It was very inspirational.
David Brower: Good for you. What inspired you to do that? Then we’ll change course.
Reginald Walton: Of course. I, um, I am currently, uh, as you know the relationship coach, and I’m a Professor, right? So I deal with, um, I guess, families, all the time, even as a Professor, and when I talk to some of my students, and it’s like, “O-okay guys, what do you want to do, like, with your degrees?”, and it’s kind of like, “Well, I knew College is what I should do, so I’m doing it.” “Uh, okay. But what are you planning on doing to further it though?”, and, a lot of students didn’t have any answer, and as a, as a coach, um, regarding relationships, um, sometimes you, you get so content and so comfortable with the relationship, you forget who’s watching.
David Brower: Wow.
Reginald Walton: That, that she, your daughter or your, your son is watching you and so … and, and I realize that in coaching so many families and couples, I realize how important that is for parents to always keep that, uh, in the forefront, to understand that, you know, y-your son is watching you, your daughter’s watching you, and so that, it really just inspired me to just chat to kids, and to, um, get them to notice the importance of the hat. But, I’m aware that parents are the ones who buy the book. Usually, they’re the ones who are reading it to the children, so hopefully it inspires them while reading it.
David Brower: That’s perfect. Perfect. Good for you. So, you’re, in addition to a Professor, where do you teach at?
Reginald Walton: I teach at, um, Bryant & Stratton College.
David Brower: Okay, and what subjects?
Reginald Walton: Um, normally business, um, classes is the, um, subject that, uh, I tend to have courses with.
David Brower: Nice. Nice. And then in your coaching life, uh, you wear many hats, obviously. Um, you talk to folks about balance in relationships, uh, getting over bad dating histories and experiences and, uh, long-term relationships, what it takes to maintain them and all those kinds of things. How long have you been a, a, been a coach, and, and helping families?
Reginald Walton: Um, honestly Dave, I have been fascinated about this since I was 14. I started doing it professionally two years ago.
David Brower: Okay.
Reginald Walton: Um, but, uh, there was a tragedy that happened to me very early in life, um, that caused me to want to take my life, and, uh, it … at least attempt to, right …
David Brower: Right.
Reginald Walton: … and, uh, my Mom stopped me, and the purpose behind me being that depressed and that low was because I felt girls didn’t like me. Uh, a-all of my friends had girlfriends and things like that, and I just thought girls didn’t like me, and once I had recovered from such low esteem, confidence, uh, in my life, I was just so intrigued on, how do you get someone to like you, and to like you forever? So, I started asking questions, reading books, and just really, really placing a, a huge interest on it, but after so many years of doing it, and, um, so many people coming to me, I decided to do it professionally two years ago.
David Brower: Good for you. Uh, isn’t it interesting, and, uh … it always baffles me in a good way, how tragedy can lead to something so positive and touch so many people’s lives if we’re, if we’re able to pull out of it like you did.
Reginald Walton: Yes sir. Yes sir. I-I-I consider, um, the many stories of the Bible, um, and how many people have, have they come from so, you know, the, the pain, I, tragedies a-as you mentioned, has been able to overcome.
David Brower: Yeah, and you’re right, the Bible’s, I mean, you only have to look at Job and you pretty well are done, right there (laughs).
Reginald Walton: Exactly. Exactly.
David Brower: So, um, so when you, do you meet with families, do you meet with singles, how does, how does your process work in helping people?
Reginald Walton: Um, normally what happens is, I tend to do both. Um, I, usually they contact me, and it depends on the issue, and, um, when it comes to couples, um, I like to meet with them separately, simply because there are things that they will, information that they would tell me, but not in front of their significant other, but can be very important into healing their relationship, so, I, I tend to meet with them individually before I meet with them together, and it’s all involving, um, healing their relationship and, um, their marriage, as opposed to singles. Singles are normally faced with getting through, or over, something.
David Brower: Yeah.
Reginald Walton: “I’m going, um, I’ve been hurt, I find it hard to trust again,” or “I don’t know how to date in 2016, in 2017. I don’t know how to date in the modern era,” or “I’m not sure what I even want anymore,” or “I’m too busy,” or …so, it, they’re, they’re going through individual challenges, that I help them through. Like …
David Brower: Sure. Nice. It’s, it’s … uh, I mean, the world has changed so much obviously in, in dating in the last 15, 20 … I mean, my wife and I, we met online 13 years ago, you know, and, uh, so, yeah, it’s, it, so I’m, I’m a big fan, but I’m totally objective of course. Um, (laughs) but, it makes me think, and I understand, I underst- … part of what you’re saying I-I believe is, you have to like yourself first, you have to love yourself first, you have to respect yourself first, in order to be healthy enough to, to really grow a relationship, and if, if meeting with the individual partners of a, of a marriage can help build their individual esteem, then I’m thinking that goes a long way to helping the family, right?
Reginald Walton: Exactly, that’s exactly true. You have to, you have to be, um, you have to place yourself in a position to like yourself, to love yourself. Not too long ago, I explained to you, how I was so low that I didn’t even feel like I should live …
David Brower: Right.
Reginald Walton: … and that position in life was the very reason why girls didn’t like me.
David Brower: Sure.
Reginald Walton: Like me, but I didn’t like me. It wasn’t until I got out of that, where I decided to like me, I decided to love me, I decided to learn what I liked and who I am, where, then, the other sex was, they was, like, “Who is this guy? I want to get to know him, um, he appears to be daunting, he appears to have fun with life,” and so that was definitely a lesson for me, so you definitely have to be in a position to like and love yourself before expecting others to like and love you at the level you feel you deserve.
David Brower: And that’s the key, isn’t it, the feeling that, uh, the place that you deserve, because I think, at least in my experience with, with my own baggage and other people that I know, it seems like whatever level our self esteem is, that’s who we’re attracted to.
Reginald Walton: True story.
David Brower: You know? And so, if you get in to a place where you’re really crazy about yourself, for lack of a better term, uh, just like you found out, the world changes, oh my gosh.
Reginald Walton: That’s right. It’s tremendous. Literally overnight.
David Brower: Yeah.
Reginald Walton: Overnight, you know. People can tell.
David Brower: One of the things I’m intrigued … yeah, one of the things I’m intrigued by, and I don’t, I don’t know if you address this or not, but, it seems like when you were 14 and going through all the things that you went through, my sense is there must have been some bullying going on.
Reginald Walton: Yeah, um, definitely, um, like, in the sense of how kids … kids can be mean.
David Brower: Yeah.
Reginald Walton: Right? And so, um, at, although I was 14, I never viewed the other girls as being 14 for whatever reason. I felt that they should know better, I felt that they should know what they wanted. I, I kind of viewed them as, you know, you should know how life go, and um, and that’s definitely not the case.
David Brower: Right.
Reginald Walton: So, they, they were more or so kind of just like, well, Reggie’s cool but, he’s boring.
David Brower: There you go yeah.
Reginald Walton: Fun, and, and it’s because of that, you know, that was the word, um, say around the school. It was, “He seems fine, he’s cool, but, he’s not fun, you know, he, he’s not sure of himself.”
David Brower: Yeah.
Reginald Walton: And, you know, as, as … as you know like I do, um, when it comes to women and attracting women, one of the top characteristics is confidence within yourself.
David Brower: Yep.
Reginald Walton: You must have that, and so, um, it was definitely a correlation, um, I’m gonna say of, maybe and emotional bullying, …
David Brower: Yeah.
Reginald Walton: … but, I, I wouldn’t say that they did it intentionally, it was just … I, I’m gonna put the blame on me, I, I just wasn’t sure or confident of myself, and because I weighed so much on myself, and I placed so much on myself, people can sense it, and it just wasn’t an attractive trait.
David Brower: Yep, absolutely right. I guess, what made me think of that is bullying is, is such a topic of conversation, it’s in the news everyday, it’s, every school has some level of it, and so it made me wonder if, if you had the opportunity to do any counseling with, with parents or kids in the, in the bullying arena, ’cause it’s unbelievably scary, some of that stuff.
Reginald Walton: Mm-hmm (affirmative). I have. I have, actually, and often times, um, I have not dealt with the physical bullying, simply because this is not my field.
David Brower: Right.
Reginald Walton: Um, it’s not what I, um, you know, it’s, there’s not much for teens, per se, but I have dealt with those who … with kids, and they have been bullied emotionally as far as being called ugly, as far as, um, you know, not being as popular and, and outgoing as some of their classmates may be, and they can’t find a, quote unquote ‘prom date’, um, no one likes them, and so they kind of feel low, and for that, for that student and … I try to handle it the way I dealt with me, and for that you just, you have to put yourself in a position where you understand what you’re good at. I always ask these kids, like, “What are you, what are you good at?”
If someone was to say, if I want to come to you to do anything great, what would you say you do great? Right? And whatever that thing is, do that, focus on that, and the more you, you focus on, you build your confidence, ’cause you realize you’re good at something …
David Brower: Yeah.
Reginald Walton: … you’re great at something. For me, it was basketball. Whenever I, I played basketball on … and I, I did play College basketball for a while, so I was decent. It, it put me in a, a different mindset of the confidence that I had shown on the basketball court, and for anybody, any one of us, we all have a talent, skill, a gift, in something. In something, and often times when, when dealing with, um, the high school kids, and asking them what that was, for example, there were athletes, there were those who were good at some type of drawing, or art, per se, and there were also those who were just talented as far as singing, songwriting, instrument playing and things like that, and I, I told them, “You know what, put yourself in a position where you’re the best at the, you’re the greatest at that. You focus on it, you go home, and you work on your talent, you work on your gift, and those other things will come in to play,” and it, it helps that I’ve experienced some similar to what they have to, that they actually listen and follow, and, sometimes the family don’t actually call me back …
David Brower: Right.
Reginald Walton: … so, but I’m assuming that the call, uh, me not getting the call back means, “We’re okay.”
David Brower: Yeah, no news is good news, right?
Reginald Walton: You know?
David Brower: Yeah.
Reginald Walton: Yeah. Yeah.
David Brower: You know, I don’t, I don’t want to give license to every parent and grandparent out there to become a, a therapist or a counselor, but, it seems to me that if you sit down, and have a conversation with your kid or your grand kid, and just ask them that one question, it seems that would open up a whole possibility of conversations.
Reginald Walton: Oh, and they light up.
David Brower: Right?
Reginald Walton: Their faces light up. Absolutely.
David Brower: Yeah.
Reginald Walton: Absolutely, yeah, uh, their faces light up. And of course, there’s so many other variables as far as upbringing and the, the household, how that is ran, and …
David Brower: Right.
Reginald Walton: … the, there’s so many other variables but, um, for the person, that, the, the child is emotionally, like, down on themselves. Once they discover, “I’m great at this, and I know it. I know it. I may not be popular. I may not be the best looking, right, why I certainly may not have the most money, however, however, when it comes to this particular thing, I am the, the best.” Their faces light up, they, they understand that they’re good at something, and that correlates and that bleeds over into other areas of life.
David Brower: I gotta tell you, man, that’s exactly my experience in high school 50 years ago. I hated school, I wasn’t very popular. My two subjects were band and typing, uh, especially music, and my instructor, and I was playing the clarinet ’cause that’s just what we did, and then my, my instructor came up to me one day and he said, “What do you think about moving over to the baritone sax? I think you would be just amazing on that,” and I lit up like a Christmas tree, and moved up to first chair, and played College, and, I mean, it took my, it took my confidence through the roof from that one experience, so, I totally get it, man.
Reginald Walton: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah, it’s life changing.
David Brower: Oh my gosh.
Reginald Walton: It did it for me.
David Brower: Hey, if folks want to reach out to you, um, are there ways that they can reach out to you and get some information, talk to you? What’s, what’s, what’s the best way to, to have a conversation.
Reginald Walton: Um, the, there, there are two ways. One way is via my website, um, which is, um, misterreggie.com, mister being M I S T E R, reggie, R E G G I E dot com, or via email, which is reggie@misterreggie.com.
David Brower: Cool. And I notice on your, I love your logo, man, it’s a caricature of you, but when it’s, in Mister Reggie there is a crown above the i, that dots the I in mister, and there’s some red lips that dot the i in reggie, and then underneath it says, “Love is for everybody, help is here.” That just, that’s powerful, I love that a lot.
Reginald Walton: Thank you very much, that, and that’s another thing, Dave, if you don’t mind, like, when it comes to love, I’ve realized it doesn’t matter who you are, it doesn’t matter ethnicity, you’re economic status, educational level, it doesn’t matter how tall, short, big, little, muscular, fat, it, it doesn’t matter. Everybody that’s, wants that companionship, that fellowship, that love, with someone. Everybody.
David Brower: Amen. Mister Reggie, thank you so much, uh, really enjoy … that’s like the quickest 20 minutes in history, dude, that was awesome. Thank you so much.
Reginald Walton: Thank you for having me.